Linkage, Volume 169

Every Infomercial Ever (video link)
No matter what product they are selling, infomercials are all the same. Here's the template they all use.
via Pleated-Jeans

Awesome Teachers
15 Awesome Teachers You Wish You Had
via Pleated-Jeans

Safe Internet Banking (video link)
clairvoyant reveals the magical technology behind his magical gift and urges everyone to be vigilant
via The Presurfer

White House Cook Book
10 Questionable Household Tips from the 19th-Century White House Staff
via The Presurfer

Honest Trailer for The Avengers (video link)
"...and Captain America, no one's favorite character, who just kinda has to be there!"
via Miss Cellania

Linkage, Volume 168

All video linkage today!

Cake Wrecks: Be Our Guest (video link)
wrecky cake music video by John of Cake Wrecks and reader Simon S.
via Cake Wrecks

GPS-chipped Candy (video link)
don't discard your Nestlé candy wrappers in the UK
via TYWKIWDBI

Charming Coppélia (video link)
Clara Bergs, a 6-year-old with DiGeorge Syndrome and Autism, fully memorized the ballet Coppélia. She even improvises in the absence of a partner. So charming!
via TYWKIWDBI

Mario Unipiper (video link)
no, I don't know why, other than "because he can" - if you could, wouldn't you?
via Miss Cellania

iPhone Taller (video link)
The iPhone 5 (Parody) Ad: A Taller Challenge

Marching Gangnam Style (video link)
Ohio University Marching 110 nails it
via Miss Cellania

Linkage, Volume 167

Cellular Phone Behemoth (video link)
the most powerful transportable cellular phone system!
via Pleated-Jeans

One Sock Missing
If They Made Movies About Real Problems
via Pleated-Jeans

10 Celebrities Who Spied on the Side
for example, Julia Child developed "a shark repellant that would protect underwater explosives from being set off by curious underwater creatures" years before she took up cooking in Paris
via The Presurfer

Dull News in Local Newspapers
stories from Britain just as dull as your own hometown stories
via Mental Floss

Linkage, Volume 166

Sh** Apple Fanatics Say, Part 1 (video link)
Sh** Apple Fanatics Say, Part 2 (video link)
via swissmiss

Meme Fundraiser
school fundraising with a great meme photoset
via pleated-jeans

Dog Attacks Vader (video link)
double whammy for Lord Vader - first his light saber deploys the wrong way, then he is attacked by a playful pup
via Miss Cellania

Single Ladies Devastation (video link)
toddler is devastated to find out Beyonce isn't singing directly to him
via Neatobambino

Pixyisms III

Pixy: Where do you go to school?
Me: I went to this school, but I finished - I graduated. Then I went to another school, college, and I graduated from that school too.
Pixy: Wow! TWO schools! You're growing up!

Pixy: I weighed like 4 pounds. Or 30 pounds.

Pixy: Look! He's sweating! Are you sweating?

Pixy: Is that phone old?
Me: It's about two years old.
Pixy: (wide-eyed) That's a LOT.

Pixy: There's 2 TVs! One you put real CDs in to play a game, and one you watch shows.

Pixy: If you kiss somebody, like your momma, that would be lovely.

Cookie: I told my friends about what we were going to do tomorrow, because they all wanted me to come over.
Me: Did you tell them you were going to go do something with your very cool sister?
Cookie: Nooo! These *children* get very angry if you tell them someone is cooler than them...

Linkage, Volume 165

Highest Cities
genius Rick Rosner argues that he was improperly eliminated on _Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?_
via Miss Cellania

Packaging Problems (video link)
Your Food Packaging Is Bad
via pleated-jeans

Autopsy Facts
20 Things You Didn't Know About Autopsies
via The Presurfer

Nissan Note
scroll down and keep scrolling
via The Presurfer

2 Hamsters 1 Wheel (video link)
smile!
via Miss Cellania

School Lunch Memories

Wendy Copley of Wendolonia posted on Facebook , "I'm curious -- what was your school lunch like when you were a kid? Did you bring your lunch? Eat school lunch? What were your favorite things to eat? How did you bring lunch to school?"

I went to half-day Kindergarten in the mornings, so I ate lunch at my babysitter's house. I am sure my Aunt Pat fed us a variety of good food, but I remember my favorite thing was when she would slice up hot dogs and microwave them, and the pieces would stick together where they were touching. I have strange memories... I do remember my Kindergarten teacher making green scrambled eggs in an electric skillet one day in honor of Dr. Seuss!

In first through third grades, I had standard public school lunch fare served on divided trays. I remember lots of canned corn and peas, instant mashed potatoes dished out with ice cream scoops, and big flat rectangles of "pizza." Yes, that "pizza" deserves the air quotes - it had a distinctive sickly-sweet sauce on top of a crust that may as well have been sheets of soggy cardboard. I brought my lunch in a lunch bag or box - usually a sandwich and more canned corn or peas (or both mixed together - my odd favorite!) or green beans, and a Thermos of milk (this exact Thermos).

I transferred to a very small private school in fourth grade, where I attended through high school. They made deals with five local fast food restaurants to buy our school lunches. One day was two KFC Chicken Littles sandwiches (back when they were flat, processed chicken patties on tiny bread rolls with a dab of mayo) and mashed potatoes with gravy; one day was Subway sandwiches (ham or turkey, with cheese) and plain Lays potato chips and a chocolate chip cookie; one day was Long John Silver's fried fish or chicken with fries and hush puppies; one day was McDonald's Happy Meals; and Friday was Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut. I liked these options, but I also brought my lunch sometimes, mostly because of my budget.

When I was in seventh grade, our school had bought a new building with a kitchen, and one of the moms was hired to cook our lunches. What an upgrade! We had real homemade meals like meatloaf, barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese, chili, spaghetti, turkey and dressing, baked potato bar, nacho bar,.... There were lots of vegetables, both fresh and cooked. Dessert and fruit alternated days. In high school, we had the option of a salad bar every day.

The school has since contracted with the local public school system to have meals brought in. So now the students are getting the standard public school fare, delivered in pans every day from the central kitchen by a lunch lady. One good thing about that is the ability to offer free and reduced lunches to those who need them. I have gone to eat with my little sister a few times, and it is terrible. Dry, bland, overly processed meats with potatoes and ketchup as vegetables. Now she reports that they are trying to make things healthier, but how exactly is a breaded chicken patty on a bun any healthier than the (most likely beef-and-soy) hamburger on a bun that it replaced? Until they get a handle on healthy choices that also taste good, it is not going to help anyone, and it gives the children another reason to hate healthy food!

Pixyisms II

Pixy, to Cookie: Will you play Justin Beaver?

Nana: Do you know where we're going?
Pixy: Are we goin' women?
[women = (s)'wimmin'(g) ]

Pixy, to me: You are really tall! How old are you? How much are you weigh?

Nana: Here's your swimsuit.
Pixy: Where's my rope?
[rope = robe/coverup]

Pixy, to Nana: Are you going swimmin'? Get your swimmie on!

Doc: Get your dirty feet off me!
Pixy: (Takes shoe off, offended) Smell my feet! They're clean!

Pixy: It's butter! I'm seriously, it's butter!

[Doc was rattling the ice in his glass]
Pixy: That's loud, Doc! Now turn it off!

[Pixy points to salt while eating ice cream]
Pixy: If you put this on here, it would be nasty. Nasty.

[After Nana sweetened and creamed her coffee]
Pixy: Now drink it! Is it yum? Really?!

Pixy, to me: Are you taking your iPad?
Me: No, I don't want it to get rained on.
Pixy: I want my Nintendo DS to get rained on, so it will be clean...
All: Noooo!!

How old is the mountain? Three feet tall?

Nana: Change into these long pants.
Pixy: But I don't want to...
Nana: But I told you to.
Pixy, to me: Why is she always tellin' me what to do?
Me: Because she's the mom, so it's her job to tell you what to do!

Nana: Sit criss-cross so you won't kick the man in front of you.
Pixy: But it's a girl!
[It was a boy with full, curly hair. Pixy is very focused on gender identity and often asks (in hearing distance) whether someone is a boy or girl...]

Cookie: Will you please turn the volume of the air down a little bit?